Cow
Bombs in
Costa Rica: Only a Matter of Time?
by Mark Drolette
www.dissidentvoice.org
November 29, 2005
Returning
to America after a recent trip to Costa Rica, I could practically
smell the
fear in the Phoenix airport. Welcome to the Terrified States of
America,
folks. Kindly remove almost every item of clothing and check all
common
sense at the gate.
Actually,
U.S.
Customs and Transportation Security Administration (TSA) personnel
weren’t
nearly that pleasant. Orders were barked at us travelers from
several
directions as we all hurried to catch connecting domestic flights,
succeeding
far better at adding more anxiety to an already-stressful situation
than in
clarifying just how much dignity we should expect to publicly
surrender in the
ensuing few minutes while being forced to impersonate two-legged
cattle. The
sheer absurdity of the “security” drama was epitomized by a disabled
older lady
(obviously a prime suspect for blowing up a plane mid-flight) who had
to set
aside her walking stick (coulda been a cane bomb, I guess) and then
awkwardly
limp her way through the gauntlet. (Thankfully, one of the TSA
employees
was at least kind enough to assist her.)
Such
is
life for Americans these days as we have been told incessantly since
9/11 by
George W. Bush and his fellow jackals that a citizen’s utmost
patriotic duty,
other than shopping, is to be very, very afraid. Always.
Because
terrorists are, you know, everywhere, just itching to kill us.
(Except at
the malls, I guess.)
A
thought emerged as I negotiated the metal detectors, conveyor belts
and plastic
trays, trying to retain everything I’d come with, including my
composure: A
week earlier, I’d essentially waltzed into Costa Rica upon arrival at
Juan
Santamaria International Airport near the capital city, San
Jose.
Re-entering the U.S. felt like being sandblasted with a paranoia
machine. Yet, if memory served, I vaguely recalled the U.S.
spends, on
average, more on defense than Costa Rica; if true, then, of the two,
shouldn’t
the latter be the nation most concerned about being caught with its pantalones
down at the borders by scary bad guys with evil intentions?
Realizing I
might have the numbers reversed, I double-checked:
Projected total military spending for U.S. fiscal year
2006: approximately $643,000,000,000, plus a debt of another
$384,000,000,000 for veterans’ benefits and interest accrued on
military
outlays, equating to about $3472 per American.
Reported
total
military spending for Costa Rica in fiscal year 2004
(the
last year for which I could find figures): $64,200,000, working out to
approximately $16 per Costa Rican.
And
it’s
the U.S. by a nose.
So,
here’s
a crazy notion, but perhaps the secret to a nation’s security lies not
in its defense spending or its efficacy in humiliating travelers, but
more in
how its policies affect others on the planet who seek simply to live
their
lives without fear of having them cut short by insane imperialists
bent on
stealing as many of their resources as (in)humanly possible.
Nah,
that’s
not it, says Dubya, oblivious water boy for the nutcase neocons who
really run the show, as he obediently insists that, really,
“terrorists hate us
for our freedoms,” thereby requiring America to shovel tons of cash to
weapons
manufacturers to thwart suicide bombers who target us solely because
our
liberties are, by their nature, provocative.
Hmm.
I
guess it follows, then, that terrorists would hate others for their
freedoms, too, meaning it’s only a matter of time before these
ubiquitous
evil-doers overrun a place like, oh, say, Costa Rica, since they could
hardly
find an easier target than this rustic Central American country with
no
standing military (abolished in 1949 by its constitution), and terrorize folks
throughout the undefended campo till the exploding cows come
home.
(If these guys can make deadly canes, bovine bombs can’t be far
behind.)
Unless,
of
course, U.S. and Costa Rica freedoms aren’t comparable. Let’s
take a
look:
Perhaps
Bush
is speaking of the kind of freedom only good health care can
offer. Funny, but even though the U.S. Constitution guarantees
that our
government will “promote the general Welfare,” which a reasonable
person just
might interpret as including the populace’s physical and mental
well-being,
well over 40 million Americans had better stay well, for they have no
health
insurance. Every Costa Rican, per that country’s constitution, has
full medical
coverage. So I guess that’s not the freedom Dubya claims
terrorists
loathe.
OK,
then,
what about freedom of the press? Maybe Bush means we Americans
must
forever fear a 9/11-like repeat because U.S. journalists are just so
damn
unfettered, thereby driving media-worshiping terrorists bonkers.
But --
what’s this? According to the 2005
Reporters
Without Borders world press freedom rankings,
Costa
Rica’s reporters are freer to inform than their counterparts in Italy,
Macedonia (Macedonia?) and, yep, the good ol’ U.S. of A., so that must
not be
it, either.
Maybe
it’s
our free elections that get the bad guys’ pet goat. Except, in
America, there’s proof aplenty our major elections are now rigged
whereas Costa
Rica’s are regarded as legit. Can’t be that one, then.
How
about
freedom from ignorance? The
National
Institute for Literacy reports
that,
per results of the 1992 National Adult Literacy Survey, between 89 and
94
million American adults (around half of the U.S. adult population)
“lack a
sufficient foundation of basic [literacy] skills to function
successfully in
our society.” Costa Rica's literacy rate is widely reported to
be greater
than 90 percent.
Freedom
from
violence? Stats show homicide rates in the U.S. and Costa Rica
are
just about, um, dead even. Freedom from death? Other than
notable
exceptions (I speak of the undead like Dick Cheney), when ya gotta go,
ya gotta
go, no matter where you live (before you die, that is). The
Population
Reference Bureau reports that, in 2004, estimated
U.S. life expectancy at birth was 77 years; Costa Rica’s, 79.
Just
these
few examples expose as hogwash Bush’s contention the U.S. is a prime
terrorism target because of its (disappearing) liberties. But then,
you already
knew that because you think critically and don’t let fear rule your
life. In other words, you’re not a typical American.
(That’s a good
thing.)
Because
if
you were, you’d be, essentially, scared of everything, no matter how
far off
the ground your big-ass truck sat. (General formula: the higher
the
tires, the deeper the fear.) Next to obsessive consumerism and
mindless
face-stuffing, blustering (false) bravado is the Great American
Pastime,
transparently covering what truly underpins this nation’s psyche:
illogical,
unexamined, corrosive fear.
Fear
of:
owning less useless crap than one’s neighbors; being smote by God for
anything
from failing to praise Jesus to challenging authority (though
supporting an
immoral, unprovoked war is OK); being perceived as weak, wrong, in the
minority, or unpatriotic; polysyllabic speech; any new album by
Jennifer Lopez
(some fears are founded); dark pigmentation; the latest bogeyman (bird
flu,
anyone?); ring around the collar; whatever. Oh, and yes, the fear
of being
victimized by a terrorist attack, which, according to my own
calculations on
which I spent at least four seconds, is statistically much less likely
to occur
than a CAT scan revealing anything inside Dubya's skull, demonstrating
just how
remote this possibility is.
The
fear
card, then, has always been the neocons’ winning ace, unfailingly
resulting in
Pavlovian Americans folding their hands (and brains). However, in
light of
polls showing practically the only ones left in America supporting the
neocons’
insane Iraq imbroglio these days are mushrooms (the slower varieties)
and
Cheney’s mad scientist creator, the vile veep, in a desperate effort
to keep
the fear fanned, grimly lectures that questioning the war is
“reprehensible,”
reminding me of “prehensile,” reminding me of tales, reminding me of
what
immoral monkey-brained maniacs like Mr. Sneer and His Pet Chimp (with
apologies
to primates everywhere) have forever flung our way.
A
final
thought: Some may ask, “All right, Mr. Smarty Pants: If anti-terrorism
precautions
you so flippantly dismiss are useless, then why haven’t we been hit
since
9/11?”
For
the
record, I prefer “Mr. Intelligent Pants,” but I shall, nonetheless,
take the
high road and respond thusly: I really don’t know the answer, Mr.
Stupid
Shorts, but perhaps 9/11’s real perpetrators (or enablers) have been
busy
elsewhere, maybe in some oil-laden country somewhere killing and
maiming
hundreds of thousands of people with depleted uranium shells, cluster
bombs and
white phosphorus while also proudly spreading that brand spankin’ (and
slappin’
and punchin’ and kickin’ and beatin’) new American value for The
New
American Century: torture.
Just
a
thought.
At
any
rate, one can only hope the dwindling support for the war will
translate into a
measurable reduction of the fear that cripples this country; we’ll
see.
I’m visiting Costa Rica again in three months and upon my re-entry
into
America, I’ll give the Phoenix airport another smell test.
However,
I
won’t be holding my breath that, after a whiff, I won’t be holding my
nose.
Mark Drolette is a political satirist/commentator who lives in Sacramento, California.